The Beautifully Damned: Chapter 8

    “Breaking news, there has been another murder of a high school student in the Upstate area. Police found the body of 14 year old Alice Martin early today in the woods near Salem high school. The police are suspecting that this is the work of the same killer and may be the beginning of the area’s first serial killing since the early 1980’s. If you have any news on either murder please call the Salem police station or 1-555 – Crime Stoppers.”

    “Do you think it’s the girl you saw last night” Savanna asked as she turned the station.

    I didn’t want to think about last night. Savanna had squeezed the information out of me but I was still unwilling to talk about it so I held my silence.

    “Isis, you’re going to have to tell someone about her.”

    “No I don’t.”

    “What if she was the killer or what about the guy who saved you?”

    It would seem so simple to her, or anyone who didn’t face having their life almost taken, to go to the police to tell them what I saw. But how what if, by speaking out, I would somehow send more misfortune my way? Was it selfish of me to be happy with my life, with the fact that I was still alive?

    Just then there was a knock on the door that caught us both off guard. We both sat stiffly upon the couch and stared at the locked door, as if we were expecting it to open itself.

    “Who is it?” Savanna finally called out

    “It’s Julian.”

    Savanna let out a sigh of relief as she rose from the couch. I watched as she made her way to the door and opened it.

    Before Julian could say anything she tightly grabbed his shirt and used it to jerk him into the house.

    “You scared the shit out of us!” she yelled angrily as she closed and locked the door.

    He straightened his black and red band t-shirt and tried to flatten his hair before answering.

    “What the fuck is wrong with you, all I did was knock on your door. It’s not like I tried to break in or anything.”

    “Savanna’s just a little bit jumpy,” I explained from the couch.

    “You say that like I don’t have a reason to be.”

    There was a moment or two that passed in silence as Julian assessed the situation. Then like a cloud breaking to reveal some vital truth, Julian seemed to suddenly understand something.

    “Oh, you guys must have heard about the other girl I guess.”

    Savanna and I nodded our heads.

    “Sucks about her,” Julian noted uncaringly as he passed Savanna and came to sit by my side.

    “Is that really all you can say?”

    Julian shrugged his shoulders.

    “I didn’t know this one so excuse me if I’m running a little low on sympathy.”

    “But she could have been any one of use, plus Isis was-” 

    “Julian what are you doing here?” I asked, interrupting Savanna purposefully. As Julian turned his attention towards me I gave her a look that should have been easy to read. I didn’t want Julian to know about the attack.

    “I was looking for you.”

    “Why?”

    “Well I called you like a billion times last night and you didn’t answer.”

    His voice was not accusing, but questioning. I had always answered his calls.

    “Sorry, my battery died,” I lied. “What did you need?”

    I knew the reason must have been important for him to call me. Julian wasn’t very attached to his phone and when he ever used the thing it was always for an emergency.

    Julian looked over his shoulder to Savanna and then back at me.

    “Can I talk to you outside for a moment?”

    “Sure.”

    I exchanged looks with Savanna, one that should have said loud and clear to keep her nose in her own business and then Julian and I made our way out her back door and onto her patio.

    As soon as I closed the door behind us the mood changed. Julian drifted off onto the far end of the porch leaving me near the glass doors; he had suddenly withdrawn into himself, holding his arms tightly across his chest.

    “What’s wrong?” I asked as I slowly drew near, watching him closely, waiting for any sign that I may be too close or moving too fast. This was all too familiar ground with him.

    “Can I stay at your house for a few nights?”

    All at once I knew why he had been trying to contact me. Guilt started to build up in the pit of my stomach as I searched his visible skin for bruises or cuts.

    “Oh god, did your brother and you get into another fight?” I whispered.

    “It wasn’t a bad one, but I think I should give him some space for a while.”

    “Are you hurt?”

    Julian looked towards the glass doors behind me, searching for Savanna to be spying on us. Slowly he moved his hand to his head and pushed his hair back behind his ears, revealing a long slice going from his hairline to his chin.

    “Do you think it needs stitches?” he asked, his tone even, as if this wasn’t important.

    I came closer and looked at the cut. Dried blood crusted its edges but the cut wasn’t as deep as others he had been given from his brother.

    “It should heal fine by itself.”

    Julian moved his hair back to his face and stared at the ground.

    “So can I stay with you, just for a few nights?”

    “Of course you can, but Julian you can’t keep letting this happen to you.”

    “Please don’t make it sound like I want this to happen, he replied. “Besides I don’t have anywhere else to go.”

    Too many times I had had this discussion with him, too many times he had come to me broken and bloodied, suffering from his brother’s hand. I had said everything I could possible think of far too many times. His brother was everything to him; with his mother being an absentee drunk his brother filled all roles in his life. He was the parent, the teacher and tyrant. Julian had come close to death at his hand yet for some reason he still looked up to him.

    “One day, I’ll just get used to it.” 

     Seeing him finding comfort in one day getting used to being beaten was one of the most depressing things I had ever witnessed. There was nothing I wanted more in the world than to save him, to show him that there was some kind of hope for him. But I could not convince him to seek help and I knew he would never forgive me if I told someone for him.

    Just then Savanna tapped on the glass door behind us.

    “Are y’all done yet?” she yelled through the closed door.

    “No,” I answered quickly.

    Julian’s answer was the opposite.

    “Make up your minds,” she called.

    “Give us a few more minutes!”

    She rolled her eyes and then returned to the couch in the living room. Again the silence of the tragic morning suffocated me.

    “I wish I didn’t have to ever leave you,” Julian breathed, as if releasing a long kept secret.

    “I’m always going to be here for you,” I told him.

    He opened his mouth to say something but nothing came out. He struggled for a short moment then turned and looked away.

    “Julian,” I started, unsure of where I was going. “Why do you seem so content with your misery?”

    “It’s all I’ve ever known.”

    “Are you ever really happy?”

    “No, not really.”

    I moved to his side wanting to be close to him at least for a short moment but he shifted away from me.

    “Don’t,” I pleaded. “Don’t distance yourself from me.”

    He gazed at me through strands of silky shadow.

    “I want to be close to you, but it’s just hard.”

    It pained me that his honesty had to be bought with blood; it filled me with agony to know that someone close to him had damaged him so badly that I may never be able to get close to him. And it was something I wanted. I wasn’t sure if it was his suffering or any other number of characteristics that made me want him. But I feared that there was no way that we would ever be able to work it out. If it wasn’t my parents that would keep us apart, he himself would fight any attempt at a relationship. A part of me was very afraid that this delicate friendship would be as intimate as we would ever get.

                                                                         Julian moved again, this time towards me filling the space that he had created between us. I had been looking at him for a long while, but only then did I look into his eyes. I couldn’t tell what he was thinking but I did see longing, wishes for something he must have believed was impossible.